Post by Kabal on Nov 11, 2006 21:31:29 GMT -5
The internal universe. It is the result of the combined efforts of the mind, body, and spirit working within one's own mind's eye.
Within myself, I have visualized a world that is steeped in metaphor, and meaning. I have given life to each cell... or rather, manifest them as one of a great populace. To govern what will take place, I manifest my emotions and traits.
And I have given them voice and thought... I established a deeper connection to myself, I know my every facet, and I know them honestly. They are not seperate from myself so much as reflections of individual traits and aspects of myself. It took years and years of self study to know these traits and to properly manifest them.
But of course... dealing with a faceless enemy within myself... My Bi-polar... my depression and sadnes... my self-loathing...
These are but some of my internal foe.
And this brings me to exactly why, I have gone to such lengths to manifest my internal self. I have done this, to defend myself from these forces that call for my despair, torment, and destruction.
I learned from my father very long ago, that to leave things unknown or invisible means you cannot defend yourself from it.
And while this is not a cure for what ails me, it is a way to empower me, and to keep my hopes alive.
And, over time I have come to understand a bit more about my ailments. What each one attacks within me, and what I know them as...
Fear (The Bringers of darkness, blindness, and inability to keep upon the path that is life.)
Pain (The infantry of my enemy, the most common, the most simple, the most numoerous. Using numbers to overwhelm and cause much harm)
Paranoia (A Splinter group of Fear, dealing less with immediate fears. Instead opting for deception, misinformation, normally using such deceptions to turn security and strength, to fear and ignorance)
Despair (A group using tactics and weapons from both Fear and Pain)
Panic (A group using quick, and devastating attacks on reason, logic, and calm)
Blame (A group that specializes in sabotage. They attempt to shift one from truth to lies, or in other words... shifting from being responsible for your own actions, to blaming others for your failings or pain.)
And last...but certainly not least...
Tyrants (These are very much like the generals of my enemies. Bi-polar incarnate, experts in torture, destroying internal barriers, and above all destroying all of my internal resolve, and trying to reduce me to my most primal and animalistic.)
This is but a small portion of my enemy.
Some have thought that these are but excuses, or that I create my own pain, but the truth is... these are just visualizations to what I feel inside. The pain comes first, and depending on how it feels, I use appropriate visualizations to try and combat them.
But I am not powerless against them. To kill an Army, you must use one of your own.
Truth (The light of Truth burns bright. these are the sentinels that guard.)
Comfort (These are the benevolent. They heal the injured, and tend those stricken with fear)
Wisdom (These are my answer to paranoia. Able to dissolve the lies of paranoia.)
Resolve (These are my tried and true, the backbone of my Army, Resolve, my Infantry. Versatile, Loyal, and above all, can never be swayed by the trickery used by the more potent of my enemies.)
Calm (The Anchor of my Army, never fleeing, they Stand tall in front of any maelstrom, and they help all around them to know no fear)
Courage (When all seems lost, when defeat and destruction seems inevitable, courage will Press on, fighting to the last man. To flee or hide from that which tries to destroy, and to simply let them win, is the worst defeat of all)
And finally, to combat the tyrants themselves...
Avatars (These are the most powerful of all my forces. they are not only made of my Traits and Emotions themselves, they are also made of Handpicked manifestations that utilize skills that are useful to my efforts.)
And so... this is a small taste of what I have used to see within myself. A Never ending war, one where the outcome is not entirely in my control, but I strive to survive what tries very hard to render me as close to death as it can.
You might think me mad, many have, only one other person alive knows all that exists in my visualizations... My beloved.
And now, whomever reads this can do as they please. Ignore it, or think me mad. These are not delusions, they give clarity to normally unseeable or oft ignored inner truth.
I thank you all for listening.
Within myself, I have visualized a world that is steeped in metaphor, and meaning. I have given life to each cell... or rather, manifest them as one of a great populace. To govern what will take place, I manifest my emotions and traits.
And I have given them voice and thought... I established a deeper connection to myself, I know my every facet, and I know them honestly. They are not seperate from myself so much as reflections of individual traits and aspects of myself. It took years and years of self study to know these traits and to properly manifest them.
But of course... dealing with a faceless enemy within myself... My Bi-polar... my depression and sadnes... my self-loathing...
These are but some of my internal foe.
And this brings me to exactly why, I have gone to such lengths to manifest my internal self. I have done this, to defend myself from these forces that call for my despair, torment, and destruction.
I learned from my father very long ago, that to leave things unknown or invisible means you cannot defend yourself from it.
And while this is not a cure for what ails me, it is a way to empower me, and to keep my hopes alive.
And, over time I have come to understand a bit more about my ailments. What each one attacks within me, and what I know them as...
Fear (The Bringers of darkness, blindness, and inability to keep upon the path that is life.)
Pain (The infantry of my enemy, the most common, the most simple, the most numoerous. Using numbers to overwhelm and cause much harm)
Paranoia (A Splinter group of Fear, dealing less with immediate fears. Instead opting for deception, misinformation, normally using such deceptions to turn security and strength, to fear and ignorance)
Despair (A group using tactics and weapons from both Fear and Pain)
Panic (A group using quick, and devastating attacks on reason, logic, and calm)
Blame (A group that specializes in sabotage. They attempt to shift one from truth to lies, or in other words... shifting from being responsible for your own actions, to blaming others for your failings or pain.)
And last...but certainly not least...
Tyrants (These are very much like the generals of my enemies. Bi-polar incarnate, experts in torture, destroying internal barriers, and above all destroying all of my internal resolve, and trying to reduce me to my most primal and animalistic.)
This is but a small portion of my enemy.
Some have thought that these are but excuses, or that I create my own pain, but the truth is... these are just visualizations to what I feel inside. The pain comes first, and depending on how it feels, I use appropriate visualizations to try and combat them.
But I am not powerless against them. To kill an Army, you must use one of your own.
Truth (The light of Truth burns bright. these are the sentinels that guard.)
Comfort (These are the benevolent. They heal the injured, and tend those stricken with fear)
Wisdom (These are my answer to paranoia. Able to dissolve the lies of paranoia.)
Resolve (These are my tried and true, the backbone of my Army, Resolve, my Infantry. Versatile, Loyal, and above all, can never be swayed by the trickery used by the more potent of my enemies.)
Calm (The Anchor of my Army, never fleeing, they Stand tall in front of any maelstrom, and they help all around them to know no fear)
Courage (When all seems lost, when defeat and destruction seems inevitable, courage will Press on, fighting to the last man. To flee or hide from that which tries to destroy, and to simply let them win, is the worst defeat of all)
And finally, to combat the tyrants themselves...
Avatars (These are the most powerful of all my forces. they are not only made of my Traits and Emotions themselves, they are also made of Handpicked manifestations that utilize skills that are useful to my efforts.)
And so... this is a small taste of what I have used to see within myself. A Never ending war, one where the outcome is not entirely in my control, but I strive to survive what tries very hard to render me as close to death as it can.
You might think me mad, many have, only one other person alive knows all that exists in my visualizations... My beloved.
And now, whomever reads this can do as they please. Ignore it, or think me mad. These are not delusions, they give clarity to normally unseeable or oft ignored inner truth.
I thank you all for listening.
