abcdlover
Sailor Scout
My Name Is Spirit Remember And When You Hear It. And Don't Forget It!!!!!!
Posts: 125
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Post by abcdlover on May 29, 2004 12:44:53 GMT -5
It was a very bright morning and Amy had just woken up from her deep sleep. It was Saturday. She turned her head to see what time it was. It was 12:00!!! Why hadn't her clock woken her up. she lifted up her clock only to see that her clock had woken her up but the volume was all the way on 0. She jumped out of bed. she had to meet the girls. she rushed to put on her clothes. She ran outside. Then BOOM!!! she bumped right in to this guy. that was really cute. Um hi my name is greg sorry i bumped into you like that. i wasn't watching were i was going. that's okay Amy said. my name is Amy. Nice to meet you greg. Nice to meet you to Amy greg said. They just stood there gazing into each others eyes. Well got to go Amy said. Oh yeah bye Greg said. and they walked away from each other thinking the same thing. I wonder if he likes me or I wonder if she likes me. Then all of a sudden a green hand reaches out from a corner and grabs Amy. Amy screamed. To BE Continued Write back what you think of it and if i should continue it. thanks bye  |
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abcdlover
Sailor Scout
My Name Is Spirit Remember And When You Hear It. And Don't Forget It!!!!!!
Posts: 125
|
Post by abcdlover on Jun 3, 2004 19:08:14 GMT -5
Sailor Mercury what do you think of my fan-fic?  |
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abcdlover
Sailor Scout
My Name Is Spirit Remember And When You Hear It. And Don't Forget It!!!!!!
Posts: 125
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Post by abcdlover on Jun 12, 2004 18:39:41 GMT -5
can anybody tell me what they think of my fan fic please  |
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Post by drazenx on Jul 25, 2004 3:45:57 GMT -5
I like it...But it might help if you used your quotation marks and spaced it out a bit and put it in paragraphs. But I like it.
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Post by Zyppora on Jul 25, 2004 8:13:45 GMT -5
Yep. Marking your sentences clearly isn't your strongest point. Work on it. I think it's pretty good alright, even though a lot happens in a little time. More details would be good. And then there's the fact that I don't like Urawa (Greg). Don't ask about that one, it's a long story. Anywayz, there's some tips you should take into consideration when writing again. No offence of course.
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Post by chiyomi on Oct 23, 2004 16:11:28 GMT -5
I liked it, except for the aforementioned grammatical points.
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Post by Eternal Moon Sailor on Oct 23, 2004 16:32:07 GMT -5
It's good, but if it was more descriptive it would catch the readers attention within the first couple of words.
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Post by Princess Ami on Dec 17, 2004 11:22:49 GMT -5
It was really good, and I want to read more, but you do need to use quotation marks, and other grammitcal changes. Oh and don't ask Zyppora why he doesn't like Urawa (Greg), its a long long story. lol!
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